g reminded me that today would have been ray’s 30th birthday.  i do remember that his birthday was close to pastor Gary’s as we celebrated both their birthdays last year at flock.  rarely did I have a Saturday off, but that weekend I did so we worked out together at his gym.  i listened to a sermon while he listened to music.  side by side on the ellipticals.  we’d stop every now and then and talk, laugh, share stories and secrets.  i couldn’t stay long enough to eat lunch with him, but there was enough time for him to make me some fresh squeezed orange juice.  he always wanted to give his friends the best and spoil them with whatever he could give, though he always joked that he never used organic fruit for my juices.  those were reserved for the special people .  who knew that in only one short year so much could change and he would no longer be not just a part, but any part of my life.

i still think of him often.  it hurts me when I think of an inside joke that only we could share..that only he would understand or laugh at.  it hurts me to know that he’s not accessible via text or phone.  he’s not accessible at all.  I miss him.  that’s really all I can say.

i don’t ask why as often anymore.  It truly is not something that I can know in this lifetime.  all I can do is continue to trust in my God, who I know is good and loving, merciful, yet righteous and just.  man is fully responsible for sin that they willfully choose to commit, yet God is still fully sovereign in every situation that occurs.  I only know this because the bible states it to be true..and that’s really all I can cling onto.

thank you, g, for the gentle exhortation and timely reminder:

“In remembering his death, may I ask of you to remember each other. We are, after all, of the same household of faith. There is a bond that we have in common: Christ’s grace laden salvation. Let’s start treating each other as Christ has treated us: A plethora of forgiveness, a lavishing of grace, and an eagerness to see to each other’s needs. How can behavior as that come back void?”